Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just threw up on my dentist
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
