I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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