Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
