The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
