Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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