Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
