speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She announced her abortion via fbk
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
