I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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