Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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