you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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