You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
