If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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