he wants to bone in the snuggie
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
