I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
