Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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