what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
