Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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