Betty ford says i'm here all night
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
