I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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