I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
