gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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