Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my being single is dangerous.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Alive.
So much puke
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
