Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
