I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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