i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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