can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
