Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
