you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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