i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
