I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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