highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
love makes seman taste better
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
