is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
