after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
