i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
