That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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