Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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