I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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