I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
they're like a gay fantastic four
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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