Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
