I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
