i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
