You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
