This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
