So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
