My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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