You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
