I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
