somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
