you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
