we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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