the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
