Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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