you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
