I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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